Sometimes the sun is shining, and you can experience its brightness and warmth. Other times, it is stormy and the clouds are thick and low, with rain or snow falling. Sometimes, the cloudy periods are prolonged. When the sky is cloudy, there is no brightness or warmth from the sun. But it is still there, behind the clouds.
In relationships where two people love each other, there can be anger sometimes. At times, there is a lot of anger, and sometimes it can be prolonged. At such times, we can question whether there is love, or believe that there isn’t, because we’re not feeling it. But just as surely as the sun is still there on a cloudy day though we do not feel its brightness or warmth, the love, or caring, is also still there at times of conflict, even though we do not feel it.
For example, when a parent is angry at a child, the child is not at that moment experiencing the warmth, affection, or nurturing of love from the parent. However, the parent never stops loving the child.
Even when there has been prolonged anger, often love can be experienced with a change in the conditions. For example, the object of our anger becoming ill can bring out feelings that we had forgotten were there. Likewise, receiving a heartfelt apology and feeling forgiveness can definitely change things for the better.
Anger is a normal part of loving relationships. It occurs because we are all human and have issues and triggers, and there are always dynamics between people’s issues.
When one truly don’t care, one tends to feel indifference rather than anger. When there is a lot of anger between a couple in a session, I will sometimes comment on how much they evidently care.
So think of the sun on a cloudy day, and remember that the anger and conflict is because of issues, not a lack of love. The love, just like the sun, is still there, though hidden.